Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Hardest, Worst Part Is...

...knowing that I, to him, was not worth the truth.

My biggest mistakes, I think, were loving him truly and completely and giving waaaaaaaaaay too much of myself to him, when he obviously wasn't on the same page I was.  I know those don't sound like mistakes--quite the opposite--but they were mistakes just the same.

I have loved two men in my life, and both took advantage of me and used me.  Hmmmmmmm.  Lesson learned, I believe.  Or in the process of being learned.

Mental illness is a horrible thing.  I'm not afraid of it  and never was, but it is a horrible thing.  Cancer of the mind, it was once described to me by a mental health professional.  It will be the fight of his life to beat it.  I was there for him and willing to join him in the trenches, but I wasn't needed, obviously.

What do I do now?  I continue to grow and be the amazing person that I am.  No pity parties, maybe just a little depression, but just celebrating me.  But I will admit that I think often that the mistake he has made will come back and bite him big time, if it hasn't done so already.  And it may be too late to make it right.

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