Monday, June 11, 2012

Help Not Wanted

I am having a terrible, terrible time reaching out to someone I love so very dearly, someone who loves me very dearly, too.

This person is suffering.  He is mentally and physically suffering.  He needs help.  He needs a different kind of help than what he is currently getting.  He won't ask for it; he won't ask ME for it.

How do I feel about that?  Frustrated, angry, embarrassed, less worthy, stupid...all of those and more.

I DO NOT want to abandon this person.  My friend needs someone.  I was taught by my parents and my religion to not give up on and lose hope for those in need, especially those I care for and love.

Is it embarrassment?  Is it stubborness?  Is it habit?  Is it all three of these things and more?  I have offered my assistance on many occasions, and it's just not good enough or just not enough or something.

I don't think I am being pushy, although I could be.  I have made it known that I am here for him.  I would prefer to talk to him one on one, but he doesn't even want that to happen anymore.

It threatens now to drive a wedge between the two of us, which is the LAST thing I want to happen.  But I can't control outcomes any more than I can control the rain or the sun.

Maybe I should save myself and stop trying.  Maybe that would be the best support I could give this person.  I don't know; I am confused.  If someone doesn't want your help, they are not going to take it until and IF they are good and ready to do so.  And even then, will they find their way back to you to ask you, or will they just wipe their hands and be done with you?

Love is pain as well as butterflies and rainbows.  He asked me to put that in my blog once.  Well, there you go--it's in there :-)

God, please help me determine the best thing to do.  And please love him with all you have and watch over him day and night, because he needs You right now more than ever.

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