My house is a freaking mess.
Maybe I'm lazy, maybe I having hoarding tendencies, maybe I'm too sentimental and can't give anything up, maybe I'm overwhelmed with trying to keep a house and yard presentable all by myself, maybe I am exhausted. I will claim any or a combination of these for the reason that my house looks like a place where wild animals live.
I really am trying to get it back to presentable and awesome. I have Goodwill bags all over the house full of unwanted kitchen items and clothing that should have been pitched years ago. I make progress, but then turn around and everything left seems to have multiplied by three while I wasn't looking. It's very discouraging, but I keep on keepin' on. One of these days, it will look great and I will be proud to call it mine and share it with others.
But, sitting here thinking about it, my house is not the only thing that is a mess. My mind is cluttered with too much stuff that, now that I ponder it, really doesn't have much to do with my life at all. The anxiety I deal with on a daily basis tends to pile on and make things way worse then they really are. An unexpected bill, piled-up laundry, or the realization that a roof replacement job is in my immediate future does nothing to allay any fears and give me any sense of calm and relief.
My financial situation is teetering on the edge of the cliff of "okayness". Best thing I have done for myself in quite a while is to have gone to a financial advisor this past summer to get all my investment ducks in a row and have my money start making money for me. The cost of living keeps rising while this girl's income stays stagnant, and all of a sudden I have things to act upon that I never dreamed I would have to consider. It creates a very frightening scenario.
Right now, my personal life is not the life I want. I go to work every day and come home exhausted, both mentally and physically. It's dark now when I come home, too, which adds a seasonal depression angle to the mix. And coming home to an empty, dark, quiet house is, quite frankly, depressing. Lots of times I wind up on the living room sofa for the evening, covered in a blanket and wasting time I could be doing something to improve the situation.
My body is not up to snuff right now, either. I have constant back pain, I can't afford dental treatment that my dentist has prescribed for me. My left leg falls asleep when I walk any kind of distance. And don't even get me started on the meds I take for my panic and anxiety. I really don't know anymore if they are doing any good. My head feels like I am in a fog most of the time. And the tiredness, the exhaustion; I can't even begin to explain how overwhelming it is.
It's up to me to choose, though, and choose I MUST do. I can continue to live in this fear paralysis and hide from the world, or I can get up off my duff and do something about it. I've got a LOT of cleaning to do in many of my houses, and I need to start NOW. Clearing out the clutter--in more ways than one--may make all the difference in the world. I won't know till I get there, will I?